Surrender - Bono

My friend Bruce gave me this book for Christmas 2022. It is now December 2024 and well, I have finally finished. Here are a few thoughts chapter by chapter.

Chapter 1 - Lights of Home - Bono, lying in bed after having maybe a heart attack in 2017 and thinking about his dad who passed away. He mentions that before each performance that U2 prays together. He read Psalm 32 Tuesday on his deathbed. His dad didn’t wanna hear it.

Chapter 2 - Out of Control - Bono now takes himself back to his younger days, back to 1978 (born 1960) and mentions the song Out of Control written after he read Crime and Punishment and the acknowledgement we have nothing to say about our birth or death occurring.

Chapter 3 - Iris (Hold Me Close) - launches more into his growing up years with his mom, Iris, who passed when he was 14. And she didn’t get spoken of much after this by 3 males in the house (Da (Dad), brother and himself). She had a stroke. Died quickly after that. He writes songs to her but also maybe to his wife Ali (married since 1982). Mentions songs are prayers.

Chapter 4 - Cedarwood Road - was more about growing up and experiences with his father after his mom died. His dad singing voice and him learning to do things on his own. 

Chapter 5 - Stories for Boys - was more on his youth and how he got the name Bono, a childhood friend that is still friends today, Guggi, gave him the name and gives other people’s names as well. Mentions another friend with effiminate characteristics. Talks about his faith a little more and says everytime someone asks him to ask Jesus in his heart he does. He learned about faith from Guggi as well.

Chapter 6 - Song for Someone - was the band coming together. David Evans the Edge. Paul Hewson is Bono and talks about him meeting Ali which I think will be his wife. And then how Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen are a part of it as well.

Chapter 7 - I Will Follow - Started out by mentioning a painting in their house about Road to Emmaus. The year is about 1978 and they are starting rehearsals and trying to get signed to a record deal that includes getting a van for the band that they are having a hard time getting. He talks about food and eating and everyone’s eating habits. They found a place to practice near where his mom is buried. The song I will Follow is a suicide note about a kid wanting to find his mother even if she is already in the grave. Mentions the prodigal son story and the focus on the father not simply waiting but out looking for his son. Mentions the Shalom group he and his wife got interested in. Christian radicals. Practiced 1st Century Christian life. Mentions being in a coffee shop with NYT writer and being approached by rough guys that said they had mercy and didn’t attack his father.

Chapter 8 - 11 O'Clock Tick Tock - was a little all over place as I started it. Had a focus on Punk a little as the band was now starting to figure out a place to practice. Starts to mention them playing gigs and the response and the crowds, though not large. And trying to get a record deal, but people passing on them. And then they got a deal with Island records. They found a manger and agreed to go forward at 20% each which they still thought was a lot of money, but they need a manager. Paul McGuiness.

Chapter 9 - Invisible - was next up getting a producer and landing on Steve Lillywhite who is close to their age. It is 1980 but also moving into 1983. Chapter starts to talk about the concert experiences and people listening to them and the connecting they make with the audience, feeling privileged that people spend money. U2 is more of a punk band at this point. It moves into 1981 and their first US tour which is like 50+ shows and quick summary of experiences. Mentioned festivals in Europe and coming back home. Talk of manager and experiences with him on the road. Long chapter.

Chapter 10 - October. It starts off with Bono talking about his anger management issues and one time throwing Larry’s drum kit off the stage. Him and the Edge can get angry and duke it out at times. Mentions songs with a hymn like quality like New Year’s Day, Where Streets have no name and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Talks about revival taking place in Dublin, a movement of Holy Spirit. He states he is a follower of Jesus Christ, but doesn’t like people preaching, thinking it should be done without words. Band was actually thinking of quitting as a band to pursue their faith in God and preach the Gospel. Started with the Edge then Bono. Larry was not happy but the manager told them they shouldn’t be breaking their contract. 

Chapter 11 - Two Hearts Beat as One - back in Ireland. Got married 8/31/82 (he 22, her 21). Adam Clayton best man - hoped it would make them closer. They honeymooned in Jamaica. Elaborate. Different from what they knew. He said they would always find home with each other. And then started writing songs for War.

Chapter 12 - Sunday, Bloody, Sunday - mentions the life of Larry growing up and loving drums and mom allowing him to grow his hair out which was unusual. Song about a day in 1972 in Ireland when a peaceful protest went tense and 14 people were killed. The song begins with pounding of drums. The politics though began to follow them. They cried this is not a rebel song - sung to continue the ill treatment of innocence. Some agreed and some did not. Problems erupted at home and they began to be confronted. Had John Hume (Irish politician) and David Trimble (northern Irish minister) onstage at same time.

Chapter 13 -  Bad - Brian Eno - island thought it crazy to have him work with U2. Met Bob Dylan backstage and he invited Bono for a game of chess. It’s the first time they felt like artists recording the Unforgettable Fire at Slane Castle.

Chapter 14 - Bullet the Blue Sky - visiting El Salvador and human rights issues with wife Ali. Went to the Pentagon in 2008 to talk of these atrocities.

Chapter 15 - Where the Streets Have No Name - 1985, Bono and Ali in Ajibar, Ethiopian famine (also the reason for LiveAid). Knock on Christian’s for not helping poor enough and being too focused on their own well-being. $250M resulted from LiveAid and other spin-offs. When he saw Live Aid footage all he could see was his mullet.

Chapter 16 - With or Without You - The relationship of Ali and Bono. They have a border collie call Joe. Ali not only lived with me, but with the poets I was reading. The making of the Joshua tree was a very exciting time or Bono could hardly sleep. Remembering Greg, Carol, who became a personal manager on the unforgettable fire tour in 1984. It was part of the group that was making this new album when he was killed on a motorcycle. The song one tree hill paid home edge to the time with Greg. He learned that he and Allie could be themselves around each other. She could never be known. There was some thing unfathomable about her. With or without you captured some of her dark beauty and our bittersweet duality.

Chapter 17 - Desire - The band moved to Los Angeles in1988. It has been a good place for them starting from a 600 person show to 80,000 later. he met Quincy Jones by way of his car driver. And then All got pregnant. He was partly afraid, and partly thinking his dad is alive, would laugh in his face. But All loved every part of Bono.

Chapter 18 - Who’s Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses - now we were looking for a Music we had yet to hear. The due date  if their child was May 13, 1989. It was May 9 and she was in delivery and he felt helpless but he did hear the heartbeat of his baby slowing. Jordan Joy, Iris still water Hewson born on May 10th, also Bono’s birthday, a girl. Named after the river Jordan, the river of the gospel song, where the sweet chariot swings, low, and a band of angels are coming forward to carry me home. Her sister Eve was born a couple of years later. He then talks about his children and growing up with them at times, not being around. Being honest with them. Enjoying the discovery of them and who they are. He is also very thankful that he doesn’t ever have to worry about money. He’s thankful to the fans for that. Good chapter.  

Chapter 19 - Until the End of the World - it is 2022. He’s with Edge on a train from Poland to Ukraine. The war with Russia has begun and they are there to meet with President Zelenskyy of Ukraine who he met previously when he was an actor and comedian. This chapter takes a momentary detour to mention also meeting with Gorbachev and Chancellor Merkel.

Chapter 20 - One -  10/3/1990 arriving in Berlin to record Achtung Baby as the Berlin Wall has come down. They were recording in the historic place, and yet there’s songs we’re not yet crafted in the way they would like. The single man Edge asked out the waitress. He talks about some recurring dreams he has of his da. The song until the end of the world is about a conversation between Jesus and Judas. Love is blind. This came about from the edge and playing his guitar to the story of his marriage ending leaving three girls. He loves the mother, but can no longer make it work for each other. The song one talked about how people are more the same than they are different. There is a line about a son, telling his religious father he was gay. A line about a lover who has been discovered, finding sex outside of sexless marriage, and how she got there. We are one, but we’re not the same. Yet years later in 2008 while playing this song at the end of the show, he looks at his bandmates and wonders if we are all the same.

21 - The Fly - The fly was a song about a man’s libido, and how insignificant he is up against that libido. Spoke of David Bowie, England’s Elvis. Mentions meeting President Clinton before he was president in Chicago. Talk of Zoo TV and reality TV coming alive due to MTV show and also the experience of arena's and preferring that to an open field where sound of fans goes into the air. One thing Hitler did was set a stage with the Olympics of getting voices to reverberate.

Chapter 22 - Even Better than the Real Thing - Zoo TV Tour in Sydney, Australia for 2 nights and shooting footage there as well. Adam Clayton partied the night before and didn't show up the next day for the shoot and also would not be at the 1st night of the concert. This hadn't happened since one time in 1978. He was a wild person at times. His guitar tech subbed for him that evening.

Chapter 23 - Mysterious Ways - Song was about the gender of God, as Bono muses that God could be feminine. And the chapter retells the story of women in general and all of their mysterious ways and beauty. Mentions super models and particularly Naomi Campbell and her impact as a woman of color. Also mentions their managers and the impact of many women in their organization as a band.

Chapter 24 - Stuck in a Moment - Refers to suicide and specifically Michael Hutchence, lead singer of INXS, who Bono was friends with. They mused together in their friendship one time about Kurt Cobain. Michael took his life in 1997 after wondering why Kurt did in 1994 thinking Kurt just needed to move by the moment (stuck). Interesting line about the song he wrote "Hold Me, Thrill me, Kiss Me, Kill me" how if you don't die on a cross at 33, people start asking for their money back. [This is my favorite chapter.]

25 - Wake Up Dead Man - Describes how U2 is a band that is constantly evolving instead of duplicating the same sound from the previous albums. Pop album was supposed to an exploration album in staying current with popular music, but it didn't. No top 10 hits. Also came to realize that just putting out anything would now get extreme praise, but still concerned they lost momentum. Wake Up Dead Man could be addressed to Jesus in the tomb or it could be my bandmates ode to Me (Bono).

26 - The Showman - Being an artist is about showmanship. Also about deception and he reminisced about meeting and singing with Frank Sinatra and how he knew Sinatra by his songs. Also, how Pavarotti wanted to do a song with them and incessantly asked and then what ended up, "Miss Sarajevo" was Bono felt one of the best songs as the focus was also not on him. The year is 1996.

27 - Pride (In the Name of Love) - March, 1999 walked into the oval office singing the cry of antipoverty walking in a T-shirt and black combat pants. Bono trying to convince the president to have the richest countries pay for the debts of the forest. Buy those riches countries just writing off the debt. It could all start by the turn of the century January 1, 2000. Jubilee 2000 would take care of all of this as jubilee in the Bible meant a year of the Lord‘s favor. Jewish tradition every seventh cycle of seven years you must write off peoples debts and release them from their bondage. Bono also had opportunity to speak to the Pope about it and by the end of the chapter Clinton had any fact forgiven the debt which meant probably 50 million children would be able to have food.

28 - Beautiful Day - This chapter is about his da and his relationship with, their friendship and his dad coming to see a show in 1985 for the first time in Houston, then announcing he has cancer in 1995. Bono made an interesting remark about the seasons of marriage - friendship, passion, co-parent, raising kids - and then hopefully back to being a friend.

29 - Crumbs from your Table - This song title is in reference to how hard Bono has to work to get money out of the government, and that money is simply crumbs for the table to them, almost like their petty cash even though it represents millions of dollars.

30 - Miracle Drug - This chapter continues Bono's theme of activism and now moves into 2001 when George Bush is now president. He talks about it being different and harder to get into the White House to speak to someone. His agenda is AIDS and makes the comment that the republican's and even church people don't give much credence to it like other problems. He gets in with John O'Neill and has good conversations and then he is gone. He is concerned about the people that are suffering, like those in Botswana where it is said to have impacted 30% of the population. Mentions someone named Anne who is at a hospital in Lilongwe, Malawi, a hospital where people are just waiting to die and yet she is there, with a spunky and positive attitude. He finally makes strides with Condoleezza Rice and ends up at a news conference of sort in which the government will give $5 Billion in relief money and he announces this with Bush, though his left wing people think he's a traitor for siding with Bush, concerned about the other motivations people have. Also brings up Rupert Murdoch and the beginning of Fox News, a non-liberal based news service that would be the beginning also of the ascension of Donald Trump. Again, tough words towards the right. They go on tour and Agnes, a Ugandan nurse who tested positive for AIDS comes along and speaks. Then in 2003, the President, George W. Bush, at the State of Union of address commits $15 billion over the next 5 years (PEPFAR) to fight AIDS. Bono gets impatient with Bush when it doesn't happen quickly, but eventually the amount will grow to $100 billion.

31 - Vertigo - 2004. Was in Dublin with friend and actor Cillian Murphy. He made a comment that their lyrics are not about real love and real life since One Tree Hill. But I told him I have to write where I am at now and in Vertigo I'm writing about us, to you and me. Then chapter switched to conversation with Steve Jobs and and designing a new iPod and U2 representing the iPod; they hitched a ticket on the Apple ride to infinity and beyond. AIDS Activism continued in 2006 with (RED). It started in 2002 and continued with the goal to end poverty. Later hospitalized in 2020 for back issues when he received a hand written note from Jobs and his wife Laurene. Then Jobs passed away in 2011.

32 - Ordinary Love - Remember 2014 Oscars playing this song, part of Mandela movie. Mandela locked up in a cell for 27 years found greatness through reading. Result of working a limestone quarry cost him tear glands and the ability to cry. Summer of 2001 fashion and music converged in Barcelona - "Frock 'n' Roll." 2005 London Trafalgar Square speech by Mandela. "Poverty is man-made." Talk of working on anti-poverty campaigns. There is wealthy in Africa despite the portrayal globally its poor. Africans have more mobile phones. Nollywood in Nigeria makes more movies. The problem with COVID relief and vaccinations was often the rich countries bought up the supplies. He prays with bishop Desmond tutu and wonders how he has time to pray as to two remarks prayers of passage way for everything in life. He speaks to Kader Asmal of the African National Congress in 1998 about the slow progress in South Africa of getting out of poverty with an example of not achieving a goal of South Africa administration of providing running water to everyone within 300 feet and the irony of seeing sprinklers going off in lush areas of the city.

33 - City of Blinding Lights - It is January 2009 and Obama is becoming the next president. Bono has grand words to say of Obama. The chapter song title is a song Obama used when announcing his presidency. He sees America as a great idea of a country, a song yet to be finished. He does not have kind words to say of outgoing George W. Bush as Obama will rewrite history now. Obama's turn as president will be soulful. Mentions Trump who begins his campaign of lies. Bono tried to engage but Trump will never admit when he's wrong, but he isn't the problem, populism is the problem. Obama's fight for healthcare was for the pursuit of "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." Obama added $52 billion to Bush's $18 billion for his AIDS work, continuing his predecessor's legacy. Obama's were invited friends. Talks of wine and how he is allergic.

34 - Get Out of Your Own Way - getting picked up at airport by Paul McCartney as he presented him MTV legends award. Speaks of music business and problem of signing music label contracts and giving up rights to music. Better to take less royalties in the beginning. Money breaks up bands. Look out for each other was their philosophy including having everyone get equal songwriting credits. His friendship with Bill and Melanie Gates and Warren Buffett family and singing at Susie Buffets funeral. 

35 - Every Breaking Wave - Jackson, one of two dogs, is dying. I hate goodbyes. Paul McGuiness, manager in 2013 departs. Recollects Seamus Heaney poem "Scaffolding" and line "all comes down when the job's done." Read William Blake results in Songs of Innocence (2014) and Songs of Experience (2017). New manager is Guy Oseary till 2022. Talks of Love Songs.

36 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - Impact of Jimmy Iovine (white man) recording black gospel group New Voices of Freedom in Harlem. Recording "I Still Haven't Found..." song and will play at Madison Square Garden with the Harlem group. Trying to figure out in 1987 how life is about constant refreshment - dying and being reborn. Black church music feels more honest. This song is about that quest and not arriving and this is how he sees faith, ever a journey not an end. While hypnotized, for his voice problems, he says the place he feels safest and strongest is walking along a river with his best friend Jesus. Then later at the Jordan River 30 years and everyone in his family jump in. Sees baptism as submerging into death to find new life. Metaphor constantly used in Scripture to help us understand God. Joshua Tree took the band to a whole new kind of success. Remembers time Johnny and June Cash and their visit with him in 1987. Similar initials to Jesus Christ. Johnny prayed for the meal when they visited and it was very poetic. They had a zoo at their house. Asked him to sing on a song in 1993. June preceded Johnny in death by 4 months. Says the cross is the horizontal reaching out to the community and the vertical rooting our heady dreams into solid ground.

37 - Love is Bigger than Anything in Its Way - It is 2018, his son, an artist is on stage, engaging in theatrics on the stage. He is comfortable in his own skin with a fainting stunt. Then at a rugby match watching 16 year-olds remembering his child coming into the world, realizing one day are children will be looking out for us. In 2000, there was a discovery that his cousin Scott was actually his brother, that his father and auntie Barbara - family secrets -- doesn't everyone have them? On stage in Berlin in 2018, and seeing each band member individually but also who they are as part of the whole. U2 is an unfinished song. Recollects that the best albums are the hardest to complete. It is when you stop fighting that you stop functioning. Recollects on the Apostle Paul, someone who overcame himself, and he finds inspiration. Recites I Corinthians 13. There is no promised land, only a promised journey. Thinking about God. Hopes he is with those who live comfortable lives, but he knows he is with the poorest and most vulnerable.

38 - Moment of Surrender - Wife (Ali) at one of their favorite restaurants, in Nice - La Petite Maison in 2016. He has never liked fireworks. But those weren't fireworks, but a Tunisian driving a lorry into the crowds, taking 86 lives. Surrender is powerful word as we surrender to each other, love, maybe a higher power; it is at the heart of many faiths, "Not my will, but..." This song came from photographs and one was of a man falling to his knees in the street, bottoming out (per AA). In surrender we realize that we are not in charge. And Bono is aging and seeing that the last 3rd of his life looks a lot different from his 1st and the ideals are different. The drive to achieve. He loves the story of Elijah who is told to wait on the voice of God and what comes is a still small voice. He remain a singer, continuing to dream.

39 - Landlady - The only conversation now is with me and my Maker. Lying in bed. Seeing his wife, lying there and his camera light shining on her face, reminding him that this is his life and the reason for his journey. He wants to learn how to be home, to be still, and surrender.

40 - Breathe - This is my heart. I am ready to take my first breath. And...I will sing, sing a new song. How long to sing this song?

I remember going to Natural Sound on Eubank Blvd in Albuquerque, south of Candelaria and buying U2, War. August 10, 1982 is when I gave my life to Christ. But this was 1983. Music had already been a huge part of my life. My first record I remember buying was Shaun Cassidy, from his self-titled album in 1976 when I was 9. Tom Faerber across the street, my best friend's older brother, was into classic rock and turned me onto it as well: AC/DC, Scorpion's, Deep Purple, Krokus, Rush, Rainbow, the Kinks, April Wine, the Cars and my trips to Natural Sound were plentiful. Sometime later in 1982 my mom purchased me a ticket to Resurrection Band and Jerusalem at Kiva Auditorium and later in 1983, I took all of those secular records and trashed them, deciding my listening ears needed only holy sounds. U2's War was being played on the Christian radio station, KLYT. And this record, I still remember was a sound that I had never experienced and Psalm 40 quickly became my favorite bible passage.

I really enjoyed this walk through Bono's life.

Self-Control

So today, my friend mentioned to me that he has disabled Facebook on his phone and deleted his account. He remarked that it has become an idol in his life and he doesn't want anything to do with it. 

This isn't the first time he has done this. He has made decisions like this before, previously getting rid of a smart phone altogether or deleting accounts. As he mentioned it this time, I thought of self-control. It is spoken of in the Bible. It is part of the fruit of the Spirit. And in 2 Timothy 1:7 it says, "For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." Self-control is also translated sound mind. 

Here's my point. I'm wondering at times how much we give God an opportunity to work in our life. Does my friend really need to disable and delete his Facebook account or does he rather need to learn to submit and surrender to God and say "Yes" to Him and "No" to those things that entangle him? I mean, would that not be allowing the Spirit of God to do a work in his life and give him (the Holy) spirit working of self-control in his life. By deleting Facebook, where does self-control now have a chance to succeed in his life? 

It is like these internet screening services or programs program that get installed on phones or for browsing. Doesn't this take the work of God and His power out of our life? How is self-control going to be manifested if we force remove our ability to sin? 

I don't know, sometimes I wonder if we are pushing the Holy Spirit out of his role in our life by setting up all of these safeguards so we really don't have to trust God. I mean, when was the last time you had to go without a meal because you couldn't afford it. So what sort of meaning really is "Give us this day our daily bread." 

Circle people around in a room and ask for prayer requests. #1 item that comes up are medical needs in America. Why? Because we've taken care of everything else in our lives. We've taken over control of everything else. But health continues to attack us despite our best efforts to have good jobs, nice homes, safe cars. And so for those reasons it is "God, help!" And the crazy thing is I don't even see these types of prayers often in the Bible. There are not many prayers in the Bible for better health, but instead the prayer is to accept what you have been given. It just feels like we are no different from those folks following Jesus around, just wanting to see him do a miracle when he just wants to share His eternal truth to us about having eternal life and living with him. But we are so fixated instead with what is in front of us. 

I just wonder. What are we doing? Are we taking God out? Are we giving the Holy Spirit a chance to work in us? I mean, wouldn't it be a greater testimony to say what we did is decided to trust God and allow His Spirit to work. "I got out of the way and God gave me the Self-control He promised to give me." That sounds better than I removed something from my phone or I added something that prevents me from going to a site.  

Growing up on Bellehaven Court

I grew up living at 1705 Bellehaven Ct, the first house I remember, my folks moving there when I was approaching the age of 2. We stayed there till the summer of 1977 when at age 9, almost 10, we moved up to 1194 Bobcat Blvd. It was a move to the heights to a house my dad had built by Mr. Kaplan. But those 7 years at Bellehaven Court (feels longer) were a great experience. I guess my big memories from there are:

• Christmas morning getting the pinball machine. It wasn't the fancy one from the arcade but one my folks got for us anyway. 
• Cooking with my mom in the kitchen. 
• Playing with T in our play room. 
• My dad saying, "The wind is my friend."
• Staying home from school and watching "Dialing for Dollars" on TV which was the afternoon showcase of movies. 
• Playing 500 game with the kids on the street, at the end of the cul-de-sac. 
• Getting babysat by all of the Reynold's kids, but mostly Mark and then Brian and I think their sister one or two times. The Reynolds moved across the arroyo to a bigger house. Seemed like a dream house to me. They had a shaggy dog. I was probably 5 when they moved from their house next door. 
• Throwing rocks at the car with T and then getting punished by taking a bath. Car wash drying by my dad. 
• Visits by the Jewel man, sitting on my mom's lap or next to her. 
• Watching my mom put on her cosmetics in her bathroom. 
• Birthday party in the garage with all of the neighborhood kids. 
• Spending the night at Don's across the street and having Mrs. Faerber kissing me good night. 
• Hanging out in Cindy and Missy's little house in their backyard. 
• Cherry tree next door. And in Faerber's back yard.
• Mr. Weeks and AB's visits. 
• Playing hockey in our driveway. 
• Putting my pillow in the freezer to get it cold.  

Well, just thought I'd start making a list of memories on Bellehaven growing up. 

New Atheism - A Survival Guide by Graham Veale - Chapters 1 and 2

New Atheism - A Survival Guide by Graham Veale

Chapter 1 - How to Slay a Spaghetti Monster -  Atheists are good at ridiculing the Christian's position of faith. They use this tactic all-to-often making it laughable that anyone would be a person of faith. They start with this and then take marks at certain points of faith, but they start with belittling the subject. They present that no rational human being would have a belief in God equating belief in God to a piece of pasta.

[In this world of tolerance it is interesting that the persecution of the church is rampant, possibly because people of faith put forth a division of secular-spiritual, Christian-non-Christian dichotomy of sorts. The world seems to be bent on the idea that all spiritual people are the same and to that end being religious is now an affront to this type of thinking. The world thinks that it is okay to be religious as long as everyone believes the same thing and religion is kind to society's ideals.]

Dawkins claims that since there is no rational evidence of God then the default belief holds true - atheism.

We are physical beings living in a physical universe, so does our knowledge of this universe rule out any transcendent and non-physical entities or is agnosticism (definition: existence of God unknowable) the only sensible conclusion? 

History teaches us to prefer simple explanations or hypothesis. Theism seems to be a simple hypothesis teaching that one God with limitless power is the foundation for everything that exists. It's not only simple but this explanation explains something about our universe. And theism seeks to explain things about the purposed activity in our universe -- why good and evil are real and present and the reason for suffering. Therefore, saying that the Flying Spaghetti Monster or a fairy tale or ghosts are an accurate comparison is incorrect because those things don't purport to define our universe.

Chapter 2 - Science falls into a Gap - Only a few heed the call by a prophet. When Moses parted the red sea, only a remnant followed him. In movies, a scientist often follows this path. In Close Encounters of the Third Kind, a scientist (Richard Dreyfus) investigates UFO's; he sees something that others don't and comes upon a small relic of people gathering together to witness this encounter from aliens (not of this world). 

Why the shift in Hollywood and society to the scientist? The scientist became the problem-solver. Engineers and inventors brought about the machine, replacing the power of man and beast (horse) and the notion was that science rather than man began to answer more and more of our questions. Yet, science was still a product of man and didn't disprove religion; many saw it making religion unnecessary and atheism loved this.  

Scientism or Dogmatic Scientism is the belief or worldview that physical science answers every question or every eventual question. Scientism is more akin to philosophy than scientific theory. However, there is a difference between saying "science answers questions" and "science answers every question." Literature, history and philosophy teach that science does not explain everything.

•     Are people only products of their environment, their genetics and life experiences? 
•     Can people be held accountable for their actions? 
•     Are we agents or persons that have purposes and can act on them or are we only products?

Science is impersonal. It is based on observation and as events occur, there is measurement of how events follow other events and this in turn helps explain events. For example, in determining Mars' (the planet) current location, there is the study of the solar system and where planets reside and also the law of gravity - to conclude and explain the location of mars. Yet people (agents) are personal, are  individuals and we don't observe one person's actions to then explain another person's actions or movements. 

Yet, some do think humans are not agents but instead a product of genetic nature, of a person's environment, and of a person's life experience. There is no choice in behavior, but rather events happen and as they do, we react and act. But, then how can a person be held accountable for their actions? 

An example of this comparison - scientific explanation vs personal explanation is from the movie Iron Giant about a robot that, sent to our planet to attack it but upon its arrival, hurts its skull and thus wipes out its programming.  A boy, Hogarth, who finds it, tries to hide it from the paranoid government but eventually the government catches up to the giant. In the struggle, Hogarth is knocked unconscious, but the giant thinks the boy is dead and this triggers his programming and he attacks those trying to seize him. Now the giant follows its programming to attack the planet. Then Hogarth comes back into the giant's life and tells him "You are who you choose to be!" The giant flies into an incoming missile, kills himself, but saves his friend and his friend's planet. So at one point the giant is at the mercy of his programming, but once he interacts with a human, the Giant acts as an agent and not a machine. 

God-of-the-Gaps

Thus far:

scientific explanations - explain events by appealing to impersonal laws and objects

agent explanations - appeal to the purposes and abilities of persons

Dawkins said in the past we appealed to religion to explain events we did not know about but now we can get answers solely from science because science defines and governs nature. Science explained God away. 

Think of Princess (Lady) Diana and the possible reasons for her death (car accident in an underpass by the River Seine) in 1997. Diana at the time was dating a Muslim man. British conservatism was horrified by their courtship. Both die in the crash. Complex conspiracy theories gave way to a simple explanation of a tragic accident. The evidence is complex and starts to seem irrational. In the first chapter, we said if a complex theory can be avoided it should be. 

After research, the conclusion was the driver had been drinking a lot, the passengers (Lady Di and boyfriend) were not wearing seat belts and the driver was trying to escape the paparazzi and drove dangerously. Thus, the hypothesis explains away the need for a complex conspiracy theory.

New Atheists believe that science now explains away any evidence for the existence of God. For example, Newton said God guaranteed the predictable order of the planets, but then LaPlace showed we don't need this hypothesis. William Paley believed that God designed the body plans of complex organisms, but Darwin could do this without divine tinkering. 

Key thought -- One explanation can explain another away only when the two explanations are incompatible. 

But theism and science are not incompatible. Our universe is ordered by a rational agent and the science proves this. In the example of Lady Di, the conspiracy theory speaks of the power of the media, but this helps to understand why the accident took place. Thus, they work together, and are not incompatible. Theism and science are compatible because theism encourages us to seek laws and mechanisms out; they are not in conflict.  

Explaining the Bloodlands

Hitler wanted to eliminate the Jews of Europe. Heinrich Himmler, head of the SS, wanted to eliminate Jews. He set up Belzec, in Poland, not as a concentration camp, but an extermination camp, where hundreds of thousands were transported to the gas chambers and die within a few hours of arrival. Himmler's opportunism does not explain away Hitler's responsibility for the Holocaust, rather they confirm it.

---- April 2023 -- I finally finished this book. Never did post this summary and obviously wish I would have done a summary on each chapter, but going ahead and submitting this. 

Life Quandry

Pamela mentions yesterday morning that she has no motivation to get her notes completed. I said that I think we are having mid-life crisis issues. Hard to just keep it all going. Kids leave the house. And it is sort of - what next. Our job as parents seems complete. Granted, problems still present. But those frequent trips to the soccer field, drill team performances are gone. Eating in the dining room is now mostly occurring when there are more than 2 present, otherwise we are parked in front of the TV. I find myself looking forward too much to sporting events (btw #SicEm). Nothing has changed with my wife - still love her and savor every moment with her. Still love God and every moment with Him. I still love opportunities to be with people and talk about life. But some of the other routines of life just don’t have the same drive. Getting a promotion at work changed little. I’m sure there are a lot of good words that could be said right now about all of this. I find I leave work, go home, and sit. I have in my mind tons of projects to do and don't get them completed. 

Pains are more frequent. Feet, arm now, toe, back can swell up. I love to read but don't read enough. I am 54 now and start to think that the next 20 years will probably be it for me and then I will probably start being in a place where my body just won't keep up. That's hard to accept. 

Meanwhile, donuts have been tasting a lot better lately.

Kingdom Man by Tony Evans

Chapter 1 - The Cry for a Kingdom Man

There are not just 2 teams represented on the football field, but 3. The third team is the referees. There would be confusion and no way to play football as we know it without the referees. Their authority is according to a rule book. If the official rules not according to the rule book authority is lost. Jesus has not asked me to simply be a fan, but cry to the officials to rule well, or in other words want God to rule according to His principles. Thus, there is a cry out there for a fan, a kingdom man.

The Greek word for kingdom in the New Testament is basileia meaning 'authority and rule.' The kingdom has 3 institutions that work together: family, church, and civil government. The authority of the ruler is key and Satan desires to reducing his authority, albeit subtly, by diminishing his name. God in relation to Adam in the garden was called Lord God, but Satan, in speaking to Adam and Eve simply said God. Thus, we men must put Lord back in God's name as this recognizes man's rightful relation to God.

God told the Israelites to come before him 3x a year to receive instructions and he referred to himself as Lord, GOD, God of Israel. He was in charge to the third power.

In 2009, Captain Chesley B. Sullenberger III made a heroic decision to land US Airways Flight 1549 on Hudson river with 2 engines out and to avoid a disaster. His 4 decades of training brought him to the point of being able to do this. 2 years later, a 25 year old woman loaded up her 4 children, the first of which she had at the age of 15, and drove them straight into the freezing water of the Hudson. 1 boy escaped. Perhaps it was the father(s) of these children, not just the woman, who was often involved in altercations with the mother and was arrested and not paying child support that also played a major role in the demise of 4 people. One man operated with responsibility while another did not.

Like it or not, man is called to rule. God did not speak to Eve when she sinned, he spoke to Adam because Adam was ultimately responsible. We are called not simply to rule though, but to rule by the rule book (The Word of God; the Bible).

Chapter 2 - The Concept of a Kingdom Man

The stats: 70% of all prisoners, 80% of all rapists with anger problems, 71% of all high school dropouts, and 63% of all teen suicides occur in homes where the father is either absent or abusive. There is real pain, real emptiness, real longing, real anger, real loss, and real need because of absent or abusive fathers.

Tony Evans' father accepted God's salvation when Tony was 10 and his father immediately became an evangelist. His mother did not like her husband as a sinner, and even less as a saint, but he chose to love her unconditionally and swarmed her with kindness until eventually she wanted what he had. A father's impact can be dramatic.

Many men today are trying, consulting different helps and aids, but they must define manhood by the complete Word of God. A referee must govern by the entire rule book, not just parts. The Greek word for kingdom is mentioned 162 times in the New Testament. A kingdom man is a man who positions himself and operates according to the comprehensive rule of God over every area of his life. 

This book, like many, are reminders. We need them because our world daily distracts us with its messages and our natural sinful nature distracts us. Suddenly then, we are ineffective. Like Adam, I am to be responsible for my wife, for my family. Satan wants to be charge in our world. Adam, through his silence (passive living), let Satan take charge.

[I've noticed that besides being a policeman, primarily to my boys, when I didn't see them step up to the plate of responsibility toward their school work and life chores, what I have said or spoken to my sons? Have I really trained them?]

It is not enough to be busy all the time. Sports, pornography, can all be attempts to project oneself into another arena when you don't want to deal with yourself. A man can live vicariously through other people, wishing he were them or had them - in so doing he loses touch with his manhood. Then, as man goes to relate to his wife, he defaults to wanting to simply control her [I have done this often in controlling and hovering over the spending money of my wife].

The author in his family will often hold up 3 fingers to express to his family members, "I've got it." In other words, he communicates that he will take responsibility of a situation. As he does this, everyone else calms down and is free to rest. This is similar to what God says to us with concepts in His word such as don't worry, trust Him, pray, depend on Him.

Remember, ultimately that God and His Word "Has it." Make decision by seeking God and His Word. God says, "I've got it."

Chapter 3 - A Man's Call to Greatness

Men everywhere want to be great. Generally, more men than women are at sporting events. There is a tug in man's heart to be the victor, to come out on top. It is men that gravitate towards wearing the MVP's jersey on their back. There is a prize with men in having a beautiful woman on their arm, for all the world to see. Women often fantasize about relationships, men often about greatness. The Apostle Paul told the church at Thessalonica to "excel still more", the Corinthians to always abound in the work of the Lord, and to seek greatness in all that they did for the glory of God.

What was key about Moses and his ministry was his meekness, or his willingness to submit and surrender himself to God. John 14:12 - Truly, Truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do. Meanwhile, the world has switched the price tags on what is great, instead saying that fame and fortune is what is important and integrity and a high moral character is not as important.

Like a punter on a football team, that many can't name, I need to be great, not just for my own benefit, but to benefit the team. Man gets great by serving others, thus reflecting Jesus who came not to be served, but to serve and to give His life (Matt 20:28). I am to reflect Jesus and His light.

Chapter 4 - The Power of One Real Man

The story of Shamgar in the Bible. He lived in the time of the judges when every man did what he thought was right in his own sight. Shamgar struck down 600 Philistines with an oxgoad. Chances are Shamgar was an ordinary man, a farmer, trying to provide for his family. An oxgoad was a farming tool used to prod an ox along when it became sluggish. Why did he rise to prominence? Not sure. But he was just a farmer, so at the right time, he knew he had to do something.

Don't make excuses. Don't wait until you are a big shot to do big shot things. God can use you right now; you don't need to wait for the next big thing in your life for you to do something.

We tend to want the results without having to do the leg work, but often we have to start small to get big results later. Sometimes that means getting started with something small, to get the ball rolling. Make the most of where you are. Few will take the small steps necessary to achieve greatness.

We live by the definitions God has given us through his Word. God can make you great. My background and my current standing does not determine my purpose. 

Note: I did finish this book in September 2020, but I didn't continue to summarize the chapters. 

Knowing God - Chapter Eleven (11) - Thy Word Is Truth

Reading - Knowing God - Chapter Eleven (11) - Thy Word Is Truth

2 facts about triune Jehovah in every single bible passage:

1. He is King - He is absolute monarch (king, sovereign) of the universe, he orders all its affairs, he works out His will in all that happens within it
2. He Speaks - He utters words that express his will in order to cause it to be done

Rulers will speak and (1) enact regulations and laws that will directly determine the environment (judicial, fiscal, cultural) which his subjects reside. And rulers will (2) make public speeches to evoke from his subjects support and cooperation in the things he is doing. In the Bible, God is king and we are His subjects. 

His word relates both to things around us (creation - "Let there be") and providence. His word relates to us directly or personally as His word takes the form of royal Torah or law or instruction. Torah is:

1. Law - commands, prohibitions with sanctions (penalties/rewards)
2. Promise - either favorable or unfavorable, conditional or unconditional
3. Testimony - information about God himself and people - their acts, purposes, natures and prospects (their future)    

God knows all about us before we say anything (Ps 139:1-4); we only know about Him when He tells us. 

The word of God is met in the first 3 chapters of the Bible. It is here, amidst an earth lying waste, empty of life, and dark that God speaks, "let there be..." 7 times (vv. 6, 9, 11, 14, 20, 24, 26). 

God then speaks to the man and woman directly and fellowship between God and them is inaugurated. And the categories into which God's utterances to them in the rest of the story fall: 

1. God's first word to them is a word of command to fulfill humankind's vocation of ruling the created order (Gen 1:28).
2. Then follows testimony in which God explains green plants, crops, and fruits made for humans and animals to eat (Gen. 1:29) 
3. Next a prohibition with sanction (penalty) attached (Gen. 2:17)
4. Then after the fall God gives them words of promise - favorable and unfavorable - that the woman's seed shall bruise serpent's head, he ordains for Eve grief in childbirth, for Adam frustrating labor, and for both certain death (Gen. 3:15-19) 

Thus, in these first 3 chapters all the categories of relationship between God's word and his creatures is uttered and for the rest of the Bible these will be reiterated and confirmed. Thus, the whole Bible insists that the word of God determines all circumstances and events in the world. 

But, we believe not merely because He tells us, but primarily because it is a true word. 

• He is "the God of truth" (Ps 31:5; Is 65:16)     
• He is "abounding in truth" (Ex 34:6)
• His "truth reacheth unto the clouds" (Ps 108:4, 57:10); it is limitless
• Therefore, "His word is truth" (John 17:17), "All your words are true" (Ps 119:160) 
• He cannot lie (Tit 1:2, Num 23:19, I Sam 15:29, Heb 6:18)

To work this out further, we look at two connections. 

1. God's commands are true. "All your commands are true" (Ps. 119:151) 

a. They have stability & permanence - setting forth what God wants to see in human lives in every age

b. They tell us the unchanging truth about our own nature  

i. Shows us what we were made to be

ii. Teaches us how to be truly human

iii. Warns us against moral self-destruction  

Our bodies are like machines. We need the right routine of food, rest and exercise to run efficiently. If filled with the wrong fuel -- alcohols, drugs, poison -- we lose the power of healthy functioning and may seize up entirely in physical death. 

Our souls were made to bear God's image, to run on worship, law-keeping, truthfulness, honesty, discipline, self-control, and service to God and one another. To abandon these is to progressively destroy our soul whereby conscience atrophies, sense of shame dries up, one's capacity for truthfulness, loyalty, and honesty is eaten way, one's character disintegrates -- overall one dehumanizes. 

Today, the argument is the Bible is puritanical (strict/rigid in morality) and what is needed is more license (permission to do or not do) for richer living. This makes us a brute (nonhuman) for we are only truly human laboring to keep God's commandments.  

2. God's promises are true, for God keeps them. "He who promised is faithful" (Heb 10:23)

a. The Bible proclaims God's faithfulness; He is a covenant-keeping God

b. The promises of God are the proper, God-given basis for all our life of faith and the way to strengthen one's faith is to focus upon particular promises that speak to one's condition.

What is a Christian?

- True Christians are people who acknowledge and live under the word of God.

For a Christian, 

the Word of God has 

- convinced them of sin, and

- assured them of forgiveness

their whole life is to be brought into line with it.

God's word goes forth to (1) create, (2) control, and (3) order things around them. 

The Word of God acts as a touchstone to test the various views that are put to them and nothing will be touched unless the Scripture sanctions it. 

Being Rich

We have just returned from vacation - taking a trip to Naples. Pamela and and I were invited out there by her sister - to spend a week with them. We had not done something like that before with them. It was a good week, relaxing, being some place different - a place a little less strict with the COVID guidelines but also just away from home and responsibilities that are there. 

In visiting, what you see is one perspective. Naples is a community of enjoyment. The houses are expensive, the beach is close and therefore escaping life is present as you sit on a beach to relax, escape, reflect, and have fun. In the summer of 1989 I spent it on the beach of Myrtle beach (south) with Campus Crusade. I was with 50 other college students there to work jobs during the week and doing outreach events on Saturday, with the hopes of sharing the gospel with people. It was a great summer of working and also focusing our lives on ministry as well as getting fed in numerous ways by the Word of God.  

Naturally, this beach experience was different. 

This morning, back at home, I woke up early, still on eastern time, and had more time than usual reading and reflecting about spiritual things as I read from the book Kingdom Man by Tony Evans, Appointment with God by JB Phillips, and then also looking at my mom's hand-written notes on Matthew 7. While there, I read a lot from the Bonhoeffer book, but also thought of what I saw. 

People in need have been heavy on my heart lately. As we go through the inconvenience over here in the states, many are suffering in other parts of the world. We are all told to take this virus seriously. The number of people infected everywhere with the virus is small in comparison to the population and yet people are getting sick and some dying. But, most of us here, like myself, are simply being inconvenienced. I know this because of my correspondence with pastors in Uganda and Kenya as well as lay people in Nigeria, Zambia, Ethiopia and Rwanda. In these communities, life prior to COVID was hard. And now life is harder. In Naples one can't help but notice the large houses on the beach and those near the beach with boats resting in canals, providing access to the ocean. These homes are expensive. As you see them, you can't help but wonder what it would be like to live there - to make your home there or maybe an extended vacation. 

In those moments it is hard to remember that I am already rich. In comparison to those properties I don't feel rich, but in comparison to those in need I am rich. I grew thankful for my present circumstance, where we lived - having but not overextending what we had. Yet, helping others was on my mind. Here i think about those wealthy people passing on wealth to me and it makes me realize that to the people I converse with in those African countries, they see me in the same way, rich, hoping I would share some of it. 

What's next? Get back to work and try to live in a way that honors Him.  

Knowing God - Chapter Ten (10) - God's Wisdom and Ours

Reading - Knowing God - Chapter Ten (10) - God's Wisdom and Ours

God has incommunicable qualities - characteristic of God alone; man does not share any of them.

• independence - self-existent and self-sufficient
• immutability - entire freedom from change, leading to entire consistency in action
• infinity - freedom from all limits of time and space
• simplicity - there are in him no elements that can conflict, so he cannot have divergent thoughts and desires

When God made man, though, he communicated to him certain qualities such as goodness, truth, holiness, righteousness, etc. 

• Genesis 1:26-27 - Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness;...God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

At the Fall, man lapsed into ungodliness. Yet, God is at work in Christian believers to repair this ruined image. 

• By being renewed in the image of Christ - 2 Corinthians 3:18 - But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
• By being renewed in the image of God - Colossians 3:10 - and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him. 

One of the qualities of God - all-wise - he wants to impart wisdom on his creatures.  

• Seek wisdom - Proverbs 4:7 - The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; 4:13 - Take hold of instruction; do not let go. Guard her, for she is your life.
• Wisdom is personified - Proverbs 8:34-36 - “Blessed is the man who listens to me (wisdom),
  watching daily at my gates, waiting at my doorposts. For he who finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord. But he who sins against me injures himself; all those who hate me love death.”
• God is ready to provide wisdom - Proverbs 9:4-5 - “Whoever is naive, let him turn in here!”
  To him who lacks understanding she (wisdom) says, “Come, eat of my food."
• Ask God for wisdom - James 1:5 - "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

Two prerequisites: 

1. We must learn to reverence God -  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. - Psalm 111:10, Proverbs 9:10, 1:7, 15:33, Job 28:28. We must be humble, teachable, stand in awe of God's holiness, sovereignty, see our own littleness, distrust our own thoughts, and willing to have our minds turned upside down.  
2. We must learn to receive God's word - Colossians 3:16 - "Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you." Psalm 119:98-99 - "Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever mine. I have more insight than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation."  I am to soak myself in the Scriptures. When Paul gave those words he was simply speaking of the Old Testament. It is through scripture that we are "equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:17)." Read the Book!

What does it mean for God to give us wisdom?

It is Not

Packer gives an illustration - standing on a train platform and seeing the train movements - provides you a very rough idea of the workings on a train. But if you were taken back to the control room and there saw signal-box and diagrams of how everything works individually and yet together - you will better understand the reason each train operates individually the way it does. 

     People make the mistake that this is what it means when we acquire the wisdom of God - in turn giving us the reason why all things work together for good. This is futile inquiry. It is true God will teach us principles through His providence but this is different from trying to render God's purpose about every detail of our lives. 

It is

Packer gives an illustration - driving a car and learning how to navigate the car through the many different situations that are present -- a parked car on the side of the road, the turning roads, stoplights, other cars - thus wisdom is being clear-sighted and realistic in looking at life as it is. It is learning to navigate myself through life as life changes, curves, as events suddenly present themselves, as things break.

Ecclesiastes Teaches us a mystery
Packer turns to Ecclesiastes to see what it teaches us on wisdom. Solomon's conclusion is wisdom is a frank acknowledgement that this world's course is enigmatic (mysterious), that much of what happens is unable to be explained to us and that most occurrences under the sun bear no outward sign of a rational, moral God ordering them at all. The writer (preacher) is stating that we must be careful to not equate book knowledge with gaining wisdom (Eccl 12:12).

Look at life:

• Aimlessly recurring cycles in nature (1:4-7)
• Life is fixed by times and circumstances over which we have no control (3:1-8, 9:11-12)
• Death comes, haphazardly, bears no relation to whether it is deserved (7:15, 8:8)
• Humans die like beasts (3:19-20), good ones die like bad ones, wise ones die like fools (3:16, 4:1, 5:8, 8:11, 9:3)
• Wicked prosper, good don't (8:14)

Thus, then there is a temptation to conclude that life really is as pointless as it looks. Thus, we then think that wisdom is figuring out what makes God tick and why he does what he does; Christians can at times think they have the inside scoop on this. (Note: It is hard answering questions from skeptics with "I don't know" because we don't like the way this possibly makes us look as faith followers.) God wants us to walk by faith (yet growing up we did not like hearing from our father - "because I said so" and we don't like hearing that from our Father today). There seems to be a certain danger in feeling like the Christian must be able to answer any question that is asked. [Today the response among Christians is simply to retort, "God is sovereign" which really is another way of saying, "God works things out the way he wants and I realize it doesn't make sense, but that is okay because I am fine with God being in control."] The moment the Christian thinks he knows all the answers the Christian will be confronted with an experience in life that he didn't.

"God in his wisdom, to make and keep us humble and to teach us to walk by faith, has hidden from us almost everything that we should like to know about the providential purposes which he is working out in the churches and in our lives." As thou knowest not what is the way of the spirit, nor how the bones do grow in the womb of her that is with child: even so thou knowest not the works of God who maketh all.. - Ecclesiastes 11:5

Ecclesiastes Teaches Wisdom

• Fear God and keep His commandments (12:13)
• Trust and obey him, reverence him, worship him, be humble before him, and never say more than you mean and will stand to when you pray to him (5:1-7)
• Do good (3:12)
• Remember that God will some day take account of you (11:9, 12:14)
• So eschew, even in secret, things of which you will be ashamed when they come to light at God's assizes (12:14)
• Live in the present and enjoy it thoroughly (7:14, 9:7-10, 11:9-10)
• Seek grace to work hard at whatever life calls you to do (9:10)
• Enjoy your work as you do it  (2:24; 3:12-13; 5:18-20; 8:15)
• Leave to God its issues; let him measure its ultimate worth; your part is to use all the good sense and enterprise at your command in exploiting the opportunities that lie before you (11:1-6)

My Mom is Home Free

My mom -

Rebecca “Becky” Wiley Payton, age 75, was welcomed by her loving Savior into her new home prepared for her on Sunday, October 6, 2019. She was a caring wife to Dr. Tyler Payton; a loving sister to Randy Byers; a wonderful mom to her sons Chris and Timothy (“T.”); a delightful Grammy to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren; and a good friend to so many. Services will be held Thursday, October 10, 2019, 11:00 a.m. at Del Norte Baptist Church, 5800 Montgomery Blvd NE. In lieu of flowers please send donations to CareNet Pregnancy Centers of Albuquerque - http://www.carenetabq.org/.


The following is the eulogy my brother and I wrote, which I read at the funeral.

Rebecca ("Becky") Wiley Payton was born on February 1, 1944 in New Orleans, Louisiana. She was predeceased by her father and mother, James Robert in 1982 and Ruth Benge in 2009. Becky grew up in New Orleans and was an excellent student and graduated from East Jefferson High School in 1961 and began attending Louisiana State University in New Orleans pursuing a degree in Nursing (started out premed). She met her husband, Tyler Payton, in 1963 while she was speaking at the Baptist Student Union as he was also in New Orleans attending Tulane Medical School. They dated for 18 months and they were married May 1965; they then spent the summer in Denver with my dad working and my mom learning to cook (my dad mentions she would make huge meals). A year later she graduated from LSU and they moved to Denver (my dad working as an intern at a hospital and my mom working as a nurse in a different hospital). They moved to Gallup, New Mexico where she had two children. The family moved to Albuquerque in 1969.

In Albuquerque, the family attended Heights Baptist Church, Hoffmantown Baptist Church, and then she later attended here at Del Norte Baptist Church. Becky never simply attended church, but served in the churches where she was a member. She was active in the choir in all churches she attended singing beautifully - using the God given talents she had. She played the piano and sang solos in college. She even sang a solo in the morning of her wedding - getting married later that afternoon on that Sunday. At Heights, she played the piano and later the organ when they had a need (I remember that transition and my mom really struggled getting the organ down but she was determined and played it beautifully). Growing up in church she was involved in WMU (Women's Missionary Union). At Hoffmantown, she was involved with the international ministry. I think my mom simply loved learning about other places God’s love was at work and the Holy Spirit was working in people’s lives. Most recently she taught Sunday School at Del Norte. She carefully prepared her lessons, adding visual aids. It never mattered the size of the group she was speaking to; it was never about that, it was simply an opportunity to present God’s truth to you and be with you. She always made you feel important and valued and appreciated.

Becky loved to read, study and savor God’s Word. She had such a special relationship with God. There are no clean sections in my mom’s Bible. Every page has underlines and notes to the side. My mom and God were united. She delighted in His wonderful promises and marveled at the grace that was granted to her through Jesus. We all love the time we have to spend with her, but it all pales in comparison to the time that she spent with God. In all of life's circumstances, she kept the Word of God close to her. She would constantly write God’s word on notecards. We’ve had several times in the hospital the last 11 years and every time I would be with her she would be reading through 3x5 cards she had written verses or reading Psalms to encourage her.

Becky was a talented artist and enjoyed painting and drawing, and shared that love with her sons. She loved to sew, making everything from draperies, bathhouse, cushions, to one of a kind halloween costumes. She even made her own wedding and “going away” outfit. She loved to take her handwriting and create artwork that accentuated the promises of God in, scripture, many of which adorned not only her home but her son’s homes as well.

She delighted in animals and loved to collect animal photography. Adorable photos of seals, prairie dogs, otters and birds surrounded her home. Her beloved dogs over the years — Girl, Moose, Squigg, Bear and Tess — were pampered and treated just like the humans in the family. In all of these animals she is enjoying God’s creation more. She enjoyed celebrating God’s creativity in the wild birds to whom she enjoyed feeding and even affectionally looked forward to seeing a wild mouse scurry outside her kitchen window.

She loved her family. She lovingly prepared southern food that not only tasted good but was visually pleasing -- fitting of her artistic talent. She modeled a God dependent life by arising early every morning and bowing before her Creator to adore Him and lift up her families needs in prayer. She shared her love of music with her family — giving them a love of hymns which she played and sang at her piano. She loved to sing. I can’t remember ever standing with my mom in church and singing a hymn and her having to look at the hymnal or words on the screen. She knew every song by heart. Again, these weren’t just songs, they were words sung to God the Savior. She loved to lift up her voice to him. I admit that I was sometimes startled by my mom’s voice but it was beautiful and clear. She took voice lessons in Albuquerque and even sang in a trio during the 70s. At Heights Baptist she sang in the choir, including having the lead in musical productions. When she was playing the organ, she would spend hours practicing an offertory song that would last 3 minutes to our ears.

She loved being with other ladies in fellowship and study. She had the same two close friends from junior high to today and spoke of them - simply enjoying life with them at every turn. She also often mentioned here Sisters in Scriptures. She was constantly asking me what she can pray about in my life and her and her friends would be praying for all of us in her family. I want you to know that many of you have reached out to send her a card or word; to my mom those are not simply cards, but trophies to her and she proudly displayed them all around her and the house.

Look - It’s so hard to not just be up here forever talking about her and all the wonderful things she did for me. She was so beautiful inside and out. I guess you don’t think of your mom as a beauty as she is just mom to you. My roommates in college told me that my mom was really pretty. Just 3 or 4 years ago I introduced her to one of my coworkers at work and he said - your mom is a very pretty lady. I’m convinced. Her joy was captivating.

My mom loved music and I loved listening to Music. Two times there were artists that were playing at a dance club and bar in town called Graham Central Station when I was in high school. I wanted to see these artists. One was Kerry Livgren who had just left the group Kansas to form a Christian rock band after he turned his life over to Christ and then a band called Stryper which was more like a metal rock band. I could only go to these concerts if someone over 21 took me. Once my mom found this out she said she would take me. Each time leaving the concert my mom would say - I enjoyed that. I’m glad I got to go with you.

In college I was dating a girl my freshman and sophomore years and I guess we were getting serious. My mom sent me a book called Love for a Lifetime and said this would be good for the two of you to go through. So we sat down and started reading it together. There was a question really quick into the book that said - how often will you visit your respective parents after you are married - this girl I was dating said - well we could visit your folks maybe once a year - she said the state you live in is all brown and I’m not sure about your parents. I thought - not be with my parents - my mom - and I immediately broke up with her - and 2 years later God provided me my Mom - in the person of Pamela - beautiful and so wonderful to talk to and be with. Thank you Mom.

She leaves behind her husband, Tyler West Payton, and her two sons, Chris Payton (wife Pamela) of Albuquerque and T Payton (wife Brooke) of Albuquerque, and her sister, Randy Byers of Owasso, Oklahoma. She also leaves behind six grandchildren: Tyson Payton, Jordy Payton (wife Allison), Megan Sykes (husband Brandon), Noah Payton (wife Ella), Derek Payton, and Andrew Payton; and 2 great grand-children, Charlie Ann Payton and Calihan Payton.

As you can tell my mom loved God and loved life and loved people. In lieu of flowers my brothers wife Brooke made this most fitting recommendation so please make a donation in her honor to Care Net Pregnancy Center of Albuquerque - http://www.carenetabq.org/

The Perfect Penitent (Book II - What Christians Believe, Chapter 4)

A Chapter Summary from C.S. Lewis - Mere Christianity

Here it is, the frightening alternative. This man we are talking about either was (and is) just what He said or else a lunatic, or something worse.  Is this the choice that people think? Or are there other choices, perhaps not even believing He was real or that the disciples misconstrued who he was. I have to accept the view that He was and is God. But why? Why did he come? Christians think the main thing He came to earth to do was to suffer and be killed. 

Be killed? Why? There seems to be multiple theories. One such theory is that God wanted to punish men for having deserted and joined the Great Rebel, but Christ volunteered to be punished instead, and so God let us off. But neither this theory nor any other is Christianity. The central Christian belief is that Christ's death has somehow put us right with God and given us a fresh start. Theories about Christ's death are not Christianity: they are explanations about how it works. No explanation will ever be quite adequate to the reality. 

Explanations and theories or pictures are there only to help us better understand. Yet, what occurs cannot be pictured, exactly. The picture is a help, but the picture is not the end in and of itself. It cannot be fully understood - the inconceivable, the uncreated, the thing from beyond nature, striking down into nature like lightning. [I notice even more so today that we are obsessed with understanding, defining it, with this idea that unless it is completely understood it can't be real. That thinking then is based on the assumption that only things that can be completely defined and understood are real.] A man can eat his dinner without understanding exactly how food nourishes him. A man can accept what Christ has done without knowing how it works: indeed, he certainly would not know how it works until he has accepted it. 

Once again, here is the Christianity formula that we are told we must believe: Christ was killed for us, His death has washed out our sins, and that by dying He disabled death itself. 
- Romans 5:8 - While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
- I John 1:7 - But if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.
 - I Corinthians 15:57 - Thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Any theories we build up as to how Christ's death did all this are quite secondary. Yet, we can look at them.  

First of all, to go back to what was said previously - that God desires to let us off. If this is his desire, why the whole process of sending his son to do this when he could have just let us off with a word. None at all that I can see, if you are thinking of punishment in the police-court sense. To me we are in trouble with the law because we are lawbreakers and God the judge lets us off, not being of what we have done, but because he decides to do this. But, what if rather than a police-court sense we are talking about a debt. One person doesn't have the ability to pay and someone else comes to the rescue or "foots the bill; one person got himself into a hole, getting out falls on a kind friend.  Can a person get out of the hole by improving himself? By building his muscles up, by running, by getting a MBA, by doing better today in life than he did yesterday, by going to church more, by reading the Bible more, by giving to the poor, by serving the poor??? No. The only way a person can get out of the hole is by yelling, "Help!" And then someone else helps him out of the hole. 

Now what was the sort of "hole" man had got himself into? He had tried to set up on his own, to behave as if he belonged to himself. In other words, man has tried to say, "I am God." Rather than surrendering to his creator, man erects himself as God, setting his own rules. (Romans 1:25 - they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature.) Fallen man is not simply an imperfect creature who needs improvement: he is a rebel who must lay down his arms. He must admit that he does not belong to himself. This is the big contrast that exists in the world. Modern religion/faith and life in general is all about self-help or self-improvement. Man believes in his heart not only that he controls his own destiny but he determines his own destiny. The idea that if we can learn to do enough good things in life and be on a trajectory for self-improvement then either God will forgive us and look past all of the previous offenses or for the atheist that life will be okay. Churches today fall into this trap of being about self-improvement. On the contrary, surrendering is the idea that I am not in charge. It is saying you are sorry, realizing that you have been on the wrong track. This is the only way out of a "hole" and getting ready to start life over again from the ground floor.

This is what Christians call repentance. Repentance is not fun at all. It is admitting that you have been going the wrong way. It means killing a part of yourself, undergoing a kind of death. And here is the catch. Only a bad person needs to repent: only a good person can repent perfectly. The only person who could do it perfectly would be a perfect person - and he would not need it.  

If you ask God to take you back without repentance, you are really asking Him to let you go back without going back. But the same badness which makes us need it, makes us unable to do it. Therefore, we need God's help. When you teach a child writing, you hold its hand while it forms the letters: that is, it forms the letters because you are forming them. We take the child through the motions and then eventually we release our hands and the child does it on their own. But, you gave the child the power and direction. 

You and I can go through this process only if God does it in us; but God can do it only if He becomes man. 

Such is my own way of looking at what Christians call the Atonement. 

Childlike Faith

As with anyone, there is a need for someone to see they are a sinner. That they have broken God's laws. For a child, this may be seen through disobeying parents or lying. Murder, as Jesus said, is hate in our heart toward our brother. Coveting is wanting what someone else has. Stealing is taking something that isn't yours. So, just looking at the 10 commandments and then breaking them down to their application for a child. A child is definitely one that can understand consequences. They often live in a land of correction and consequence. Our sin has consequences. It separates us from God. God loves us, but hates sin and can't be with sin. Sin can't be removed by doing good things. Sin must be covered so that God can't see it any more in our lives. Jesus covered sin by His Blood. Blood came about from him dying on the cross. What makes Jesus blood more significant from ours is that it is perfectly clean. His life had no sin in it and so it is pure. So, his death on the cross was for our sins. But Jesus dying doesn't mean that every person gets this. The Bible tells us we must receive it. God gave us Jesus as a gift. He lived and died. But, it is a gift. Do you accept the gift? If you do. Say, "I believe in Jesus and that he died for me." We receive the gift by faith, which is agreeing with God. And just as Jesus conquered death by rising from the dead, so we to can now live a life honoring God. We still will make mistakes and sin. But, our sin is covered. Jump on the Jesus cot or bed and let Him carry You through life. -- Just a thought.

Speaking the Truth in Love

Ephesians 4:15 - but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ.

What is mean to 'speak the truth in love?'

Often, in going through the gospel with someone, a way to shed light on a person and help them see they are a Christian is to ask them, "have you ever told a lie?" Everyone has told a lie at some point in their lives. Lies are told to make ourselves look better. It is to hid the truth. People often will justify a lie because of the belief that speaking the truth will hurt someone. This verse seems to contrast the notion of speaking a lie and instead states, "speak the truth in love."

Yet, how easy is or it or how do we even 'speak the truth in love?' Prior to getting married, there was a couple in our life that we wanted to come to our wedding. They were THE catalyst in bringing my wife and I together, but they were unwilling to come, citing their attachment to school. We could have flown them out just for the wedding and had them back the next day. We were willing to do whatever we could, but they were still unwilling. We had been in their wedding and we naturally wanted them to be involved in ours. We sought the Lord during this time and after it was laid on our heart, we tried to speak to them in love, confronting them with truth that we saw. It backfired and we ended up losing a relationship for many years.

I still think we did the write thing, but since then, it has been hard at times to speak the truth in love. Love is to be the prompt and reason communication is made. I think, at times, though, in raising kids I spoke to quickly. Sometimes in love, but sometimes in anger, I admit. I don't think I ever figured out how to discipline properly with love.

I think if Love would have been my motivator at all times then it would have (1) affected how I spoke the truth and (2) what truth was spoken. Therefore, some truth would have been left unspoken.

Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

If love is what is driving us to speak to others, we will, first of all, be concerned about how we speak. We will seek to watch the words that we use as well as the attitudes, motives, and tones of voices with which we speak them. We will strive not to give offense by the way we speak the truth.

War Room

I saw the movie War Room last night. We received it from Netflix. When the movie first came out, in 2015, I didn't see it, brushing it off as a movie just about prayer. And yet, why would I brush it off? I need to see a movie about prayer. I need that encouragement. I was encouraged.

Granted, the movie presents a problem - a marriage gone bad. And two people fighting with other and presenting the premise that we need to fight our battles instead with prayer. We are to treat one another not with anger and arguing and defensive speech. We can't change people, but God can change them. So fight your battles in prayer. The couple reconciled. Tough situations occurred, like losing a job, but through it all, they trusted God and his word and good things happened.

After the movie was over, I grabbed Pamela and said, "Let's pray." I thought about the movie and how people prayed. They looked for verses that applied to the person they were praying for, so I wrote down Ezekiel 36:26 for Derek. And then as we were praying for Megan and Brandon Pamela voiced words from another verse - Philippians 2:3-4. So that's the idea.

Derek - Ezekiel 36:26 - Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Lord, steal Derek away from Satan. Give him a new heart. His heart right now is overflowing with bitterness, anger; it is unsettled. Put a new spirit within him. Purchase him. Bring salvation to him. Remove the heart of stone from his flesh. Remove the spirit of fear. Give him a heart of flesh. He needs to breath again. 

Brandon/Megan - Philippians 2:3-4 -  Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Lord, change Brandon and Megan's habits of selfishness and defining their lives by selfish ambitions. Bring humility to their thinking so that they regard one another as more important than themselves. Bring a sensitivity to each of them toward one another.

Tyson -

Pamela - 

Weekend - December 16/17

I spent most of the weekend in bed, resting, still with a sore throat. Pamela had a great time shopping as she headed out on Saturday. She had a purpose, so she had fun, which was nice as lately all of her time has been focused on helping Derek get through his semester of learning and in between those times, she watches TV on Netflix, enjoying the entertainment it provides and possibly removing her from the world around her that she is ready to escape from most of the time, it would seem.

I gave Fred a bone in the afternoon that he enjoyed.

Bruce, Karl, and I went to the Lobo Arizona game. I didn't go to church on Sunday, but was up for lunch. Pamela did go to church, I think mostly to get her Pampered Chef order from Brooke. She looked very nice in her red dress. We met Allie's and her boyfriend James and had a good lunch at Dion's. I worked on GMO in the afternoon after vacuuming the house and then everyone came over, including Karin to play Splendor. Overall, a good weekend even as I was in the midst of healing.

Behaviors

I recently attended a violence in the workplace training. The individual provided a couple lists of behaviors. One list 'punishing behaviors' and the other 'rewarding behaviors.' As I read through these items I was chagrined to see some that have been a part of my life and happy to see some that have been a part of life. I thought they worth noting here.

PUNISHING BEHAVIORS

• Monopolizing the conversation
• Interrupting
• Showing obvious disinterest
• Keeping a sour facial expression
• Withholding customary social cues such as greetings, nods, "uh-huh", and like
• Throwing verbal barbs at others
• Using nonverbal put-downs
• Insulting or otherwise verbally abusing others
• Speaking dogmatically; not respecting others' opinions
• Complaining or whining excessively
• Criticizing excessively; fault finding
• Demanding one's own way; refusing to negotiate or compromise
• Ridiculing others
• Patronizing or talking down to others
• Making others feel guilty
• Soliciting approval from others excessively
• Losing one's temper frequently or easily
• Playing "games" with people' manipulating or competing in subtle ways
• Throwing "gotcha's" at others; embarrassing or belittling others
• Telling lies; evading honest questions; refusing to level with others
• Overusing "should" language; punishing others with words
• Displaying frustration frequently
• Making aggressive demands of others
• Diverting conversation capriciously; breaking others' train of thought
• Disagreeing routinely
• Restating others' ideas for them
• Asking loaded or accusing questions
• Overusing "why" questions
• Breaking confidences; failing to keep important promises
• Flattering others insincerely
• Joking at inappropriate times
• Bragging; showing off; talking only about self

REWARDING BEHAVIORS

• Giving others chance to express view or share information
• Listening attentively; hearing other person out
• Sharing one's self with others; smiling; greeting others
• Giving positive nonverbal messages of acceptance and respect for others
• Praising and compliment others sincerely
• Expressing respect for values and opinion of others
• Giving suggestions constructively
• Compromising; negotiating; helping others succeed
• Talking positively and constructively
• Affirming feelings and needs of others
• Treating others as equals whenever possible
• Stating one's needs and desires honestly
• Delaying automatic reactions; not flying off the handle easily
• Leveling with others; sharing information and opinions openly and honestly
• Confronting others constructively on difficult issues
• Staying on the conversational topic until others have been heard
• Questioning others openly and honestly; asking straight-forward, nonloaded questions
• Keeping the confidence of others
• Giving one's word sparingly and keeping it
• Joking constructively and in good humor
• Expressing genuine interest in the other person

The Grace Store

Romans 5:20

New Living Translation (NLT)

²⁰ God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant.

God's grace is so inexhaustible that however great our sin might be, He is able to pardon it completely in Christ Jesus. - Conrad Mbewe (pastor at Kawbata Baptist Church in Lusaka, Zambia) 

God's love has no limits
His grace has no measure
His power no boundary known unto men
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again. 
--- from He Giveth More Grace by Annie J. Flint (1866-1932; Christian poet)

 

Contentment in Christ

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

What is the secret to being content? It seems normal for us to want something new, to hear something different or new, to watch the latest episode, to see the most recent movie. And yet we hear of this virtue of contentment from the Bible. 
 
Defined
Here is the dictionary definition of "content" -- satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else

One thing that I mention to the kids often that I am sure they get tired of hearing is that society trains us to not be content. If we were all content then I would be out of a job. The source of the City's revenue is gross receipts tax which comes from people buying things, including things at the mall or department stores; this includes the latest phone or MP3 player as well as food at a restaurant. While I despise this at times, my employment depends on this. It must be okay then to want things.

It is easy to see contentment with relationships. My wife Pamela of 22 years is someone I am completely content with. There is no one else I want and there isn't a new improved model I am looking for. I can say the same about each of my children. I enjoy their growth, but I never want to trade them in for someone different.

But, the windows on our house, the carpet on our floors, the landscape of the yard, are all things I would like an improvement. Obviously, there are things that break, like the washing machine and dryer or the porch roof or another appliance.

Context
The verse above was written when Paul was in prison. As a prisoner, Paul had to provide his own comforts and it was often the Philippians that wanted to share what they had with him. Yet, Paul, reminds them that he has learned to be content in whatever situation he is in (Phil 4:11). But, he also wants to share that his contentment is not because of his own effort, but because of the strength the Lord gives. And so his contentment is not meant to be done at our own doing.

So, we see the virtue of contentment and wonder how we are going to be able to have this virtue. And God (through Paul) is showing us that we can be content because of the power or strength given to us by the Lord.

Conclusion
The secret is Jesus and realizing that, like everything else, our life is not based upon our own doing, but upon the strength of the Lord. Don't trouble yourself with the "what-if's" of life, meaning, well, if I don't buy something then I won't get paid and my family won't survive. I may not understand it, but strength in the Lord means God will give me strength.

Does this mean we are to want nothing? That my money should only be spent on things that need replacement? I think it is okay to receive things, but we should be careful that we don't get in the habit of having to receive that which is new just for the sake of getting something new. If we couldn't get stuff that is new, would we be able to still be happiness and content? If not, then our focus has veered off center.